5 Unique, Helpful Secrets For Dating A Girl With BPD
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So, you probably stumbled upon this page because you’re thinking of dating a girl with BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder).
Or you might already are dating a girl with BPD and looking for some guidance.
Don’t worry, it’s okay to be a little bit confused.
You might not know what it’s going to be like, you might even think “oh, they’re crazy, I’m out”.
Or you just need some help understanding what is going on.
Let me tell you now, you are in for a wild ride.
But, if you can make it work, it can be as rewarding as any other relationship.
It is recommended to read “Stop Walking On Eggshells” to learn a little bit about the disorder before you embark on this adventure.
It is almost like a beginner’s guide to BPD for partners.
Dating a girl with BPD can be stressful, testing and sometimes unhealthy.
It is important to find the right balance.
If you find you have changed yourself so much to adapt to the relationship, that is not good.
Don’t lose yourself in the process of making the relationship work.
The most important thing when dating a girl with BPD is to pay attention
be ready for almost anything.
5 Secret Tips – Dating A Girl With BPD
1. It’s Fishing Time (Fishing For Compliments And Constant Reassurance)
You know those girls who ALWAYS want reassurance.
Get your compliments ready, basically always.
You will see what I mean if you start dating a girl with BPD.
We tend to be very insecure and may seek constant reassurance.
She needs to know she is number 1.
You may have heard a bunch of the following:
“Why do you comment on her pics, and not mine?”
“Why do you like all her photos?”
“You talk to her more than you talk to me”
I could go on and on, but you get the idea, yeah?
Yes, you told me you loved me yesterday,
but what about today?
Our insecurity always plays on our minds.
“Why is he/she with even with me”
“He/she can do so much better”
“I’m worthless and he/she will know it soon enough”
So, what can you do to help combat this?
So, when she asks you if you love her, and why – be ready!
Don’t think that it won’t happen, because it definitely will.
And it may get more intense as time goes on.
2. You Can’t Leave Me.. EVER. (You’re My Favourite Person).
Dating a girl with BPD can be exhausting, especially with the constant fear of abandonment.
Have you ever tried to go out to see a friend to suddenly find yourself in a fight?
This is common with Borderline Personality Disorder.
We have a constant fear of abandonment and sometimes it doesn’t even make any sense.
We are always looking for signs that you may be unhappy.
To us, it is very real and can cause a lot of worries and doubts.
How can we get around this?
Well, you can take us with you – that will shut us up.
Failing that idea, since you probably want some ME-time..
You can make sure you are available on your phone – even for texting.
We like to know you are thinking of us.
And not planning your escape..
3. Let’s Move In Together – (1 Month In To The Relationship)
Dating a girl with BPD can be like an intense rollercoaster.
Just started dating and she is talking about love, moving in, marriage and babies?
This is enough to scare any man off, but at the time, we think it is love.
We think it’s finally our change to not be “abandoned”.
We dive head-first into all relationships and we believe this next relationship is the one.
We place our new partner on a pedestal and he can do no wrong (idealisation).
However, cracks start to develop when our new partner can’t handle the intensity.
They might even start to pull away from the relationship, causing the fear of abandonment to rear it’s ugly head.
Clinginess is a common symptom of BPD and you will likely see it when dating a girl with BPD.
You may think it’s cute to start with, but it will get more intense as time goes by.
You need to be ready for this.
You will likely first experience this when you’re too busy to chat.
This is when she will check when you were online last.
She needs to know you are not keeping her waiting on purpose.
If she sees you online, posting on facebook, commenting on things…
And you aren’t replying to her..
Well, be ready, because you will be in big trouble with her.
She might not say anything at the time, but eventually she will.
So, what can you do?
A short reply to a message is better than no reply (even when you are busy).
Simply send a text and say “hey, i’m at work, i’ll talk to you when i’m done at 6pm”.
You could do that small thing, even if you don’t really have time.
4. You Worshipped Me Yesterday, Now You Hate Me
(What Did I Do Wrong?)
Like every rollercoaster, there is always a downward slope.
Welcome to “splitting”. Or some may call it black and white thinking.
The sudden change in admiration can be confronting.
Unfortunately, it is likely you had no idea that you have done anything wrong.
But, this just spurs our anger towards you.
We may start to become nasty towards you.
We may even start a fight with you, often about old issues that have already been resolved.
What should I do?
The best thing to do in this situation is not to argue back.
Wait for things to cool down, and discuss the issue later.
Communication is very important but not when there are elevated moods around.
5. You’re Acting Crazy (You Need Help)
Another thing you will need to do is learn what not to say when dating a girl with BPD.
There are certain triggers that will definitely cause a meltdown.
Do not ever tell us that we are crazy.
I think that also applies to any mental health illness or disorder.
You need to play a bit of trickery here.
If you are dating a girl with BPD and she is not getting treatment but you think she might benefit from it…
DO NOT TELL HER SHE NEEDS HELP.
I once went on a date with someone and on the third date he suggested I see a psychologist.
Well, that was the end of that. BYE-BOY!
Now, I understand he meant well, I understand that now..
But at the time, it felt like an attack.
How dare he say I need help?
Was he saying there is something wrong with me?
How do we combat this situation?
You need to trick her into believing it is her idea to get help.
A good idea would be to discuss the “Stop Walking On Eggshells” book with her.
She will find it endearing that you are trying to learn about BPD.
There you have it, 5 tips to help when dating a girl with BPD.
I hope you enjoyed reading and I hope you learnt a thing or two.
If you have any questions, leave a comment below.
You can read more about Borderline Personality Disorder on some of my other posts.
Thank you for visiting.